kids

i believe our worst crime is to condemn ourselves with guilt, a long time ago, when a person killed another, the people strapped the victim's body to the killer's back, and wherever the killer went, the dead man's body remained strapped on his back, eventually the killer ends up dying gradually because over the course of years he is unable to lead life with a dead body strapped on his back, we all have dead bodies strapped on our backs, and we should just let go, we ourselves have strapped these dead bodies of guilt to ourselves, who knows, we'll never know why we are in this world, we'll never know why we have water, or why we have a sun that rises in the east and sets in the west, it is said that there are two sets of destiny, one that is of fate and the other that is of desire, and our minds find it difficult to reconcile the two, my own spiritual journey has been the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into my heart, i've realized that i am always free to choose, if for any reason my choices do not result in peace, joy, harmony and balance...i are free to choose again, for this i am grateful, love is a choice, it's the only choice...because everything else is an illusion of this world, remember that this is an act of will upon your part, because it is only when you decide to change, then the world around you will change, they say destiny and free-will are two sides of the same coin, the coin being life itself of course, and our heart has never learned to tell the difference between the two, i don't think we'll ever get done healing ourselves, i guess that's one of the reasons for this life, in the meanwhile i think this means to not put the free-will part on hold for any reason, things such as pain and joy are abstract, they exist without form, without time, outside us, sometimes within us, just like the seasons, they too have their own place in this world, all i'm saying i guess is make a choice, put the power of your mind and your soul behind it, and destiny will change into free-will, fear scares us, fear too is abstract, note by being abstract it has no form behind it, it is only your mind that gives it form, we hide so well behind our intricate veils, anything built on fear is not real, only difference between dream and possibility is action, kinda like what yoda said, do or do not, there is no try, if you wake up one morning realizing you don't know anything, then you are awake, if you still think you know something, then you are still asleep, if you are still trying to know, you are still trying to control, if you are still trying to control then you still think something can go wrong, if you still think something can go wrong then you are not in touch with god, if you are not in touch with god then you live in fear, you are living in the fear that you have created, and that you are trying to get away from, as the regina's song goes, you're young until you're not, you love until you don't, try until you can't, laugh until you cry, cry until you laugh, and everyone must breathe, until their dying breath, you peer inside yourself, take the things you like, and love the things you took, and take that love you made, and stick it into someone's heart, pumping someone's blood, and walking arm in arm, you hope it doesn't get hurt, but even if it does, you know you'll do it all over again, you know what i miss most about being in a relationship, it's sleeping at night next to someone familiar, instinctively as we exist at an animal level, sleeping with/next to someone is one of the most trusting relationships we have as humans it's funny you know, as i fall asleep at night, i think about the ancestors whose survival and reproduction has made me possible, within me i have human, prehuman, mammal, reptile, fish, and i think about all the nights where these ancestors of mine have gone to sleep at night, i've wondered about their thoughts, about their loneliness as they lay on their backs in the open fields, looking at the stars in the sky, wondering about where they fit into this grand puzzle of life, wondering if maybe one day far down the road, one of their own will think about them, share their wonder, joy, and pain, and somehow thank them for never giving up, it's not me whose words you hear, i'm just a pool of water reflecting their will to survive, it's what makes me want to have kids, it's their muted voices that i hear, they suppressed their will so that i may have one, ...